Making Friends Essays - Friendship, Acceptance, Friends, Depends

Making Friends The process of making a friend is a very unique one. It depends on the person one is trying to become friends with, it depends on one's gender, it depends on one's age, but most importantly it depends one's personality. Every individual is different and how they make friends differs just as greatly. The way I make friends depends heavily on my personality. As an introverted person, I tend to first meet potential friends through what I call forced association. After the initial meeting, I evaluate them and determine whether or not I think they should be my friend. Bonding, specifically male bonding, follows and acceptance is the final stage. Before I can delve into the sometimes mysterious process of becoming friends with someone, I have to divulge some personal information. I am a great believer in personality typing: the theory that a great majority of people fall into one personality type or another. A complete analysis of my personality is not within the scope of this essay, but suffice it to say that I am very introverted. This does not mean I am anti-social, it merely means that new and non-routine interaction with others taxes my energy. The process of making a new friend is by definition a new and non-routine interaction, therefore it is quite difficult for me to initiate the process. This is where the concept of forced interaction comes in. By forced interaction, I mean a situation where another person and I are placed in an environment where we have no choice but to interact with each other. The largest and most important type of forced interaction for me is school, and more specifically, classes. It is impossible to be completely separate from other students in a class. Consequently, I met all my best friends in school (of course, it was a place that I spent most of my time so it is not a big surprise). Another type of forced interaction comes when you meet a friend of one of your friends. It would be extremely rude to not interact with someone that your friend considered to be friend. That is the way that I met a very close friend of mine and one who I will use as an example of my friend-making process throughout this essay. His name is Andres and I originally met him through another friend of mine, Josh. We were all going to the same high school next year (more forced association), so it was only natural for Josh to try to have us all become friends. But I was not friends with Andres when I first met him. I had to figure out who he was before that could happen. Evaluation has always been very important to me. I constantly evaluate and re-evaluate myself, my friends, my schoolwork, and so forth, almost to the point of obsession. I am ruthlessly self- critical and it is only natural that this same criticism would extend to those I consider my friends. Before I can become friends with someone, I have to determine whether or not I want to be friends with them. I have been told that this is an extremely arrogant way of conducting relationships, but I find any other way to be lacking. If one's own needs in a relationship are not met then it is impossible for them to fulfill other's. The first step in evaluation is the establishment of common ground. It is very unlikely that I will become even casual friends with someone who I have nothing in common with. The more important to me the commonality is, the more likely I will desire to become close friends with someone. One of the first things I look for is intelligence. Part of my personality is the love of intelligence, which means: doing things well in varying circumstances. A very important part of a friendship for me is intellectual stimulation. If it is missing, the friendship will invariably begin to wane. So intelligence and knowledge are two things I look for almost immediately in a new acquaintance. Andres possesses both of these qualities and he possesses them in areas that we both find interesting. Both of us have an aptitude for the sciences. This contributed greatly to me finding him worthy to be my friend. But knowledge and skills alone make a person boring, so I also look for common personality traits. A love of humor is also necessary, as is a low degree of self-monitoring: the degree to which people change to match their surroundings. I am extremely low in that area as